04/25/2017 by syrbal-labrys
When times are rough and tumultuous, perhaps without full acknowledgement, we underpin ourselves to bits of beauty and normalcy with a tighter tether than usual. Since November, things have been especially tough. Yes, yes, I can hear the gleeful howling of the maniacs – but mine is scarcely a new admission. The schadenfreude of the Right is unmistakable of late.
But political upheaval and Agent-Orange-in-Charge aside? Life has been a tumult anyway here. So finding a personal balance has been a challenge. There has not been much “typical rhythm” in our lives of late. All my usual little daily rituals fell away in lack of time and energy. All but one.
I’m not going to deeply discuss that “one” and what happened to it. Let’s just say, that without my notice, “it” subtly became the linch pin that held me together in every essential way. “It” was a wall against the crazy that never failed me. Until something horrific, savage, and too terrible to describe happened.
A crescendo of screaming – for the first time in my 63 year life – and “normal” became a concept out of my reach. I was undone. We were all undone here. Even the three dogs in the house seemed to recoil into shocked depression, scarcely eating and crying aloud just as we did. Other woes hit at once — costly car issues, an end to an engagement, illness.
And so it remains. I can’t face people, I’m “hermiting” worse than usual. My gardens are weedy riot, and it seems to rain non-stop. I can’t even uphold my usual political semi-activist routine presently. We cling to each other — but feel like a carton of eggs, each in an individual isolated cup, but cracked and broken all the same. I don’t know when or if I will “back” here – I vaguely speculate on “wordless” posting, photos and the like; but motivation fails.