Walls and Hitting Them

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03/09/2017 by syrbal-labrys

Exhaustion dogs me. No, not accurate: exhaustion IS the dog that just brought me down from behind.

I’ve been rocking back and forth in a state of shock since November, but still functioning. Then this week, I had a little work sheet as part of our marriage counseling, you see? Reading the questions, I realized I couldn’t answer some of them because I couldn’t even figure out what they meant.

Some of the queries were so ordinary; things like what my goals for physical health were and what was keeping me from reaching those goals.  Well, eating healthier and exercising more is a goal.  But when I eat healthier and exercise more?  I feel more like SHIT.  It really makes me doubt the efficacy of any such efforts.

We’ve been spending a fair amount of time helping others — we are converting the garage to a temporary haven for a young veteran and his wife.  We are trying to emotionally support another veteran friend as he goes through grief for his dead daughter and an infant grand-daughter who is dying.  I find these two things plus laundry and occasional meal cooking completely drain me.  I crave sleep like vampires crave blood.  But I rarely sleep well.

So, I may be scarce here at Herlander Walking for the foreseeable future.  And my other blog, Steel Kachinas, may go private soon as I can find out how to do that and how to enroll subscribers.  Not sure I have the energy for that just now.

Good-night and good-luck.


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The name of this blog, and my Dreamwidth blog, Herlander Refugee, is taken from a 1915 feminist novel "Herland". It makes my heart sing that modern women are experimenting with creation of a new "Herland"! Yes, comments are closed. Anyone who just MUST reach me can do so at syrbal6 at gmail dot com.

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