Straws and Camels’ Backs

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01/30/2017 by syrbal-labrys

88389076-1f10-4dba-9503-b21111e74cd7_363_293Sometimes it is just a small thing, and the air is sucked out of a room. Of course, “small” is a relative term. It has come to a point in America that something utterly egregious is “small” because nobody died, never mind that something certainly DID die.

Reading the news this morning, I had to set my coffee cup down quickly.  So I wouldn’t vomit if I tried to drink more of it.  So I wouldn’t hurl the cup across the room in despairing fury.  The article in question?  It names the victim of a racist event.  It does not name the perpetrator, and it SHOULD. A white owner of Anneville, Pennsylvania’s restaurant “Just Wing It” threw a college basketball team member out of his eatery for being black.  And of course, the black student reacted emotionally — so we know he was thus “clearly” wrong?

Trump’s president now so I can say what I want. You niggers need to get out,

Nope, not going to put asterisks in instead of “g” or any other letter.  You NEED to look at and SEE that ugliness.  We all need to bow our heads in shame, but raise them in anger over what the lying, gaslighting, misogynist racist in chief has loosed in this country.

That story evoked my childhood.  Being punished by my father for playing with the only American children (because of their skin color) in my small German neighborhood taught me a lot.  Seeing black children in Louisiana riding to their allegedly “separate but equal” school in their clearly not equal “bus” — the open back of a pick-up truck — taught me more.  It taught me to HATE white people who thought this was alright.  It taught me, for instance, that I would never in my adult life live in the American South.  And now?

Now I can expect this brand of shit-heel behavior everywhere?   Thank you, GOP.  Abe Lincoln’s spinning in his grave should be able to keep the lights on in Vegas.  So the fact that the news, at first, named the victim of racism, but NOT the perpetrator?  That is just chickenshit.  Why is there nothing in that story about the cops being called and them telling the “owner” that there are still laws against discrimination.

Obviously? I hope that restaurant is boycotted out of business.  But me?  I feel so shamed, enraged, and broken just reading about it that it may be a while before I can even find the will to post here or anywhere else.  I’m actually afraid to leave my house to go walking someplace with filtered air (a mall, etc) because seeing a red MAGA hat might induce a reaction I can’t control.  So I can’t even imagine how every black American feels reading that story, but yes, I think I’d feel like burning something or breaking something just to externalize that level of pain and misery.

I shouldn’t have to be ashamed to still be drawing breath.  I’m a white woman, a veteran, a liberal, and I’ve paid my dues.  On retirement income and supporting our disabled veteran sons with a home and groceries, we still are taxed at a higher rate than Mitt Fucking Romney.  We can’t sell our house because our three moronic (likely Trump voters) community well members will not pay to get the failing well up to necessary gallons per minute.  My property taxes go up every other year for a house I could not sell for HALF the valuation because a well for four houses only supplies between 2 and 7 gallons a minute — when it was new it supplied 30.

But ashamed I am.  I’ve tried my whole life to be the change I thought the world deserved. And in my old age now, everything that seemed better and building hope in my youth is being destroyed.  Everything DOES seem wrong, so America has a President who will make it all SO much worse as to defy description.  I am discouraged and ashamed because I have failed at everything that was my goal in life.



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The name of this blog, and my Dreamwidth blog, Herlander Refugee, is taken from a 1915 feminist novel "Herland". It makes my heart sing that modern women are experimenting with creation of a new "Herland"! Yes, comments are closed. Anyone who just MUST reach me can do so at syrbal6 at gmail dot com.

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