January (Not February) Made Me Shiver…

01/06/2016 by syrbal-labrys

(apologies to Don McLean)…even without newspaper deliveries.  But yes, “American Pie” has been my melancholy earworm this month.  Perhaps it is thinking about the nigh endless supply of “widowed brides”?  But the levies are certainly not dry this winter, are they?

Another man dead in Afghanistan, I await the name to walk my Walk.  (Edit: It is SSG Matthew McClintock from Albuquerque, New Mexico serving with a Nat’l Guard unit from Washington State.)

TickingBut otherwise, this month?  The first month of a new year?  We are bracing ourselves and crying already here.  A 38 year old veteran of our little misadventure in Afghanistan in lying in a hospital bed at Duke Medical Center.  His wife, another veteran of Afghanistan, is faced with “making decisions” about his “quality of life” (and death?) and she is trying to figure how to explain what is happening to their young children.

My eldest son’s dearest and nigh oldest friend had an aneurysm rupture in his brain on Sunday.  This was followed by at least ten strokes.  He has not regained consciousness and cannot breathe on his own.  No part of his brain is without damage from the repeated bleeds.  His body lies on a bed encased in various medical devices to keep his blood moving, his chest rising and falling – warm to the touch.  But all of us who know and love him are faced with admitting to our minds the impossible idea that all that was essentially him is already gone forever.

The first person to tell me to not mourn, but to “celebrate his life” wins a congratulatory punch to the gut, ok?  I am not one of those folks who will blither on and on about the “unfairness” of life.  The only fairness in anything, anywhere is that which we, as humans with reason and compassion and Will, can create and impose.  So yes, Cheney the Dick continues to live and breath while a person I considered another son is dying.  It makes me want to throw crockery at immovable hard objects just for the satisfyingly destructive sound.

Mt heart is breaking.  But not to the same degree as my son’s heart, and neither of us can know the devastation his wife and parents — and yes, children, will face very, very soon.  (Oh, and about children, and their humanity and uses?  Just because my “wick” is burning very fast on that topic, thank you GOP scumbags!  I do diverge, yes.)  To lose L. now, as my country seems to go increasingly insane?  Well, it is insane.

My son said to me, “He always told me what I needed to hear, instead of just what I wanted to hear.”  Yes, that is a true friend to lose, don’t you think?  America could use such friends right now.  No, Trump is not that friend.  People saying what imbeciles want to hear to be elected;  all of us will be on inadequate life support at this rate.  If I believed in afterlife tales, I’d be wondering if our friend could leave the “door” ajar?

Our griefs coincide this month – public and private.  We stand to lose a dear beloved friend. America may have already lost all of her truly good friends, or stopped listening to the few who are left.  Auld Lang Sang just doesn’t cover this.


The name of this blog, and my Dreamwidth blog, Herlander Refugee, is taken from a 1915 feminist novel "Herland". It makes my heart sing that modern women are experimenting with creation of a new "Herland"! Yes, comments are closed. Anyone who just MUST reach me can do so at syrbal6 at gmail dot com.

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