Hitting the Light Switch On My Way Out

7

01/19/2015 by syrbal-labrys


1mondays suck so hard be in pornAs I held forth in my New Year’s prognostications post, I am not very optimistic for my country.  The news accounts for about 30% of my personal misery component on any given day.  Most lately, even though I personally believe atheism is healthier for the world than religion; the idea of a right to offend –but mostly being applied to a single religion — seriously disturbs me.

In my personal life, things are semi-secure; if still rocked by PTSD issues.  One of the issues is how to communicate with a husband who suffers from what seems like little mini dissociative fugue states.  It superficially resembles someone just not paying attention, except that he actually doesn’t remember ANYthing about the event — including things HE said or did in the time that vanishes.

Looking for coping mechanisms, I consulted all sorts of self-help things.  If someone is not listening or is incapable of listening to you?  They all said the same thing: stop talking to that person.

Well, it dawned on me that blogging is, of course, “talking”.  And the largely dissociated American public is not who reads this blog.  The people who DO read this blog don’t need to hear whatever I am saying; I am singing to a choir.  If I can’t even figure out how to successfully get through to my PTSD-afflicted husband, what the hell am I doing wasting my time trying to reach people who are FAR more removed from reality?

So, I am walking away.  I don’t know for how long, perhaps permanently.  Maybe I will manage to come back in my own New Year…after Samhain 2015 (October 27).  I will continue — even if I have to force myself, to blog over at my more personal Experiential Pagan site, as therapy in maintaining connections.  I feel like a Firefly marathon (And you thought the Alliance was bad?) is possibly needed, I definitely am having one of those “When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl, when you can’t do that  … you find someone to carry you.” sort of weeks.  Except, there is nobody to carry me.

Oh, and yes, fuck Mondays.

 

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7 thoughts on “Hitting the Light Switch On My Way Out

  1. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Best of fortune, S-L. It sounds like your husband really needs medical attention, this seems like it’s way beyond just being absent-minded. As far as the blogging endeavors go, I’ve always maintained that it should be done until it’s no fun, or no catharsis. We all have enough chores to handle.

    If you want some entertaining reading, I have a PDF copy of Margaret St Clair’s Sign of the Labrys that I can send you. If you want it, just e-mail me. For the record, the book has the craziest back cover blurb I’ve ever seen. It’s basically something that an early 60’s sexist would write to convince you he wasn’t sexist. The book is pretty gonzo- it’s a postapocalyptic Wiccan weird-science fantasy with an overemphasis on fungi… it’s a pity the book wasn’t three times its length, because it’s flimsy in parts.

    • He is getting attention, the progress is of course slow. The book does sound rather crazy, I’m not sure whether I want to read it or not, LOL.

  2. Grung_e_Gene says:

    Best of Luck s-l!

  3. dm says:

    how to communicate with a husband who suffers from what seems like little mini dissociative fugue states. It superficially resembles someone just not paying attention, except that he actually doesn’t remember ANYthing about the event — including things HE said or did in the time that vanishes.

    There now appears to be a link between PTSD and early onset dementia. I hope this isn’t the case, but it sounds too similar to the beginnings of my dad’s dementia.

  4. Leo Knight says:

    At least you’ve had the courage and perseverance to do this much. Reading about the challenges you face, I truly admire your strength. You’re way stronger than me. I couldn’t sleep last night because of construction on my street, and I’m ready to curl up in a fetal position! Take care of yourself.

  5. @Srybal

    I’m sorry your burdens are so burdensome. Internet *hugs* if want them.

    Take care.

  6. Boneweaver (aka pjvj) says:

    Read you on the other journal! I have no answers for the PTSD symptoms you are encountering. I wish I did.

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Herland

The name of this blog, and my Dreamwidth blog, Herlander Refugee, is taken from a 1915 feminist novel "Herland". It makes my heart sing that modern women are experimenting with creation of a new "Herland"! Yes, comments are closed. Anyone who just MUST reach me can do so at syrbal6 at gmail dot com.

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